Kayaking the Cypress Swamp at Night

So, my mom thought it would be a good idea to experience the swamp by kayak at night! She did remember to bring a flashlight and that was the last good and proper decision she made that night! Earlier in the day mom scoped out the kayaks size. If she were going to test the limit of sanity, she wanted her faithful companion by her side. Yup just enough room for my 100 lb butt to sit precariously on a tiny platform located front & center of the kayak. Now peoples, I’m ears perked high & butt a-swinging excited. Night adventures always beat going to bed, but I know in my intuitive little doggie heart that this adventure will be renamed disaster before midnight.

 My sweet but stubborn Mama will not listen to any of my howlings, whimpering, cajoling suggestions to wait til daylight.

The first challenge is getting the boat in the water. Mom decided she didn’t want the yucky swamp water touching her feet. (If you just raised an eyebrow your not the only one.)   So, the boat is 1/2 on the water & 1/2 on land. Mother got me on my tiny perch. Yes, many treats were involved. I refuse to do stupid things on the cheap. My loveable, yet somewhat diluted mama thought she could sit her sweet cheeks in the kayak ½ on land & throw her upper body backward while thrusting hips forward to urge the kayak into the water. Well you know I hopped right on out of that contraption with her first forward thrust.  Now she’s all kitty-wampus in the water yelling at me to get back in the damn boat. So I did… All 100 lbs of swamp soaked he-man buff dog jumped right back in. Of course, 2 seconds later moms and I are both outa the boat & drenched in yucky swamp water & the kayak is trying to escape downstream as quickly as possible. Then mom tells me to fetch it up! Fetch it up? Did she take crazy pills tonight?

I’m trying to decide if I should stick with mom or high-tail it to land. When Mom’s flashlight beam lights up many pairs of eyes watching & a few pairs swimming toward us. I yell “crocodiles!” Mom yells “their Alligators not crocs” & starts to scream. That’s when she woke me to tell me to go to my floor bed. My twitching & whimpering on my mamas bed woke her up.

Truth? Here it is…Mom’s kayaking swamp experience was less than memorable. As she is telling me about it I’m just not able to come up with anything anyone would like to read about. For once I decided to let my imagination run wild. You’re Welcome.

Be kind,

Luv, Otis

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