Yesterday Mom was telling me about her grand plan of buying a side-by-side. My response was, “Why?”
Mom thinks it would be fun to tool around in the fields & on the tar with a topless, doorless contraption with humongous tires. Again, I have questions; “Isn’t that what we do on the e-bike & dirt bike just with 2 less tires?” Then Moms hits me with the bomb; “In the side-by-side, you can sit next to me dressed as Batman.” My brain explodes with W H A T???!!! A dog dressed as Batman? Wouldn’t that be a bat dog? Whoever heard of bat dog? The whole thing sounds ridiculous to me.
I can’t even imagine Mom trying to get a Batman costume on me. I am a handsome He-man dog who will not be degraded by bouncing around in a glorified cart pretending to be Batman. My Mama would use up her yearly allotment of swear words trying to pull over my head & stick my paws through some hot, scratchy shirt.
The black cape is kinda cool; I can imagine it billowing out behind me. And billow it would cuz Mom’s only speed is fast. So I picture my cape rock’n in the wind & Mom drives under a branch which catches my cape & yanks me off the side-by-side to be bounced against trees, rocks & I end up bruised & battered face down in the dirt. Or worse, safety-conscious mom would belt me in & only my head would be yanked off the glorified 4-wheeler. Blood everywhere, Mom screaming; it’s not a pretty picture.
Who am I kidding? Mom safety conscious? Not in this lifetime, so that part about losing my head isn’t really a concern.
Humm, I think the mask would hi-lite my amazing eyes & those weird ear protrusions would make my ears stand up & be proud. But, what if the mask slips down & I’m blind? Not only am I blind but its now pulling on my poor ears. Ouch!
Can you imagine tearing down the 2-track, full-speed, blind, ears hurting & terrified at any minute your cape is going to significant harm to all your body parts? Ya, me neither.
Calmly with assertiveness, I told Moms I wasn’t ever going to be a willing participant in her wacko side-by-side/ Batman scheme. I also mentioned oil, upkeep & other requirements another engine would demand. At this point, Mom has tabled adopting another motor into our world.
Mom knows how much I appreciate her not ever trying to dress me in stupid outfits. Dogs aren’t meant to wear costumes. Yes, sometimes Mom tries to put a hat & sunglasses on me for pictures. No, I do not cooperate. While traveling, a few dogs I’ve encountered have been dressed in ridiculous outfits. Their owners make them look so silly they are almost embarrassed to death. Especially the little yappy dogs. My advice to all is, “If you want to dress up an animal, pick a cat.”
Coming soon is my blog on Fishing the Otis Way & The Tale of Two Homes.
Enjoy this very fine day,
A dog looks very un-cool & humiliated.
A cat doesn’t care what you think.