My Mama’s Drinking Problem.

The problem with drinking isn’t so much with the water-like stuff. Propel, Gatorade & tea with the occasional soda don’t seem to cause issues with Mom’s head. 1 beer isn’t too bad as a brain function stopper. 2 beers & I pray I get fed before she passes out.

The real problem reared its ugly head when Mom’s sister-in-law introduced her to Port. I swear a tablespoon of that stuff has Mom’s brain melt into loosie-goosy land.

Mom used to mess around with wine. One year she drank red wine all Christmas night, crawled up the steps to her room where the bed spun & she had apologizing to do the next morning. My Mama doesn’t remember everything she said while in the red haze, but the family told her she was verbally inappropriate & Mom felt terrible, so no more red wine.

Last summer, I watched Mom drink an entire bottle of Port herself while sitting around a campfire in the evening with family. Of course, if she didn’t have help staying upright, she’d have been walking like me on all 4’s trying to get back to The Ivy. My Mama is intelligent. I strongly suggested to Mom that she use a smaller glass. She found an exquisitely dainty etched glass to sip her Port from. I didn’t think I needed to tell her the why of the smaller vessel. My silly Mom filled her tiny cup numerously, which again equals drunk as a skunk.

My new suggestion is to mix the Port with something so she can have a couple of drinks without experiencing brain curdle. Maybe a shot of Port in a quart of water, 7-up, lemon-aid, or cranberry juice? I don’t know what Port tastes like, so those suggestions might curl the toes on some 2-leggeds.

I’ve asked Mom to share her Port, but she gives me a hard “No.” I think she thinks if her head is fogged up, but mine is not, then I can take care of her. Wait a minute! My dog duties have surpassed what is usual & customary; adding drunk-Mom-care is simply too much even for a brut like me.

It’s her mess. Shouldn’t she have to pick it up?

I know I’d have way fewer responsibilities if I were a lapdog. It stands to reason if a dog only weighs 2 lbs. exactly what, if anything, can they do except keep your lap warm & shed.

None of my canine friends have spent the night boozing it up. Is it because of our superior intellect, or do we find sniffing butts satisfying enough? We hounders play during the daylight & sleep when it’s dark; that doesn’t give us time to hit the crazy juice.

Mom only buys a bottle of Port every few months, so I do get a nice respite in-between the liquor overload. I doubt I need a support group.

Thanks for listening; it helps.

Luv, Otis

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