Oops, I Did It Again!

“Why oh whhyyy doesn’t anyone want to play with me?” This seems to be my tale of woe this summer in Minnesota.

Since we are back on the farm, my neck is blessedly free of any neckwear. Yes, I’ll happily wear a collar, but I prefer the bare-necked free-to-roam way of life.

Me (running) and Mom (e-biking) go for a jaunty spin on the two-track road separating the fields. The sun is glorious, the temperature perfect, and there is no wind to toss gunk in our eyes. We giggle while flying down this overgrown weeds and gopher-mound trail.

Mom must give me outstanding kibble cuz; apparently, my eyesight and nose sniffer are exceptionally toned. I tell you, my friends, I miss nothing; NOTHING!

I spied a creature out of the corner of my eye. With a bark, I bid My Mama “Adieu” as I tore through the unplanted field to meet and greet a new friend. The first thing I did (cuz I’m not a stupid mutt) was checked out the coat my new buddy was rock’n. I yelled “All right”  with an in-the-air paw pump when I didn’t spy any prickly needles on this guy. Nope nary a one. His coat was black, shiny, and fur-like. This got me so excited I kept on barking.

Let me tell you, and Mom will attest, that when I get excited, I do the puppy-dog dance and yap with glee. My tail starts a wagg’n, my paws a bounce’n, and I’m barking to beat the band. Mom’s yelling something, and my little buddy is making his little growl noises. When dogs on the neighboring farm added their barking melody, it was a cacophony never heard before in this field.

Finally, as I took a breath, I heard Mom yelling “Come” in her no-nonsense voice. I thought, “Who is she kidding?”

I did what any red-blooded dog would do … completely ignored Mom.

You’d think I’d learn to heed her warnings. I mean, haven’t I been through enough pain and humiliation this month? I guess not. My new friend was not very friendly at all. How did Mom know the big assed Raccoon was going to try to scratch my eye right outa my face?

There was a lot of commotion of motion in that there field. I’m mainly barking, jumping, and tail wagging with an occasional yip cuz my face hurts. Mr. Raccoon is trying his boxing scratching moves, and a furious Mom is storming down on us with extreme “pissed off” in her eyes. I mean, her lovely hazel eyes were spit’n heated lava. My barking kept the little critter from hearing Mom’s trucker mouth. Geez, where’d my dainty Mom learn such language?

The thing is, I’m almost as big as Mom, much younger and more agile, so when I saw this mountain of fury bearing down on me, I ran. So did the critter, just in a different direction.

Mom stomped back to Fred and went home. I slunk around the field for a bit to give my lovely sweet Mama a chance to cool down.

With much trepidation, I went home. Mom met me with a scowl ruining her otherwise pretty face, a collar, and a chain with one end tied to a tree. I asked Mom about going to the Vet for stitches, and she said, “No, I’ll take care of it,” and then commented, “the cut will give your face more character.” I took a deep breath and thought, “This is not good.”

Mom, I felt, used more force than necessary to wash out my almost eye-blinding cut. She gave me pain pills, and I pretty much didn’t see her the rest of the day.

I kept wishing my friend Greg was here with his Kielbasa. Kielbasa is yummy, like Polish Sauage. Greg is my Kielbasa Man! Where Mom is stern, Greg is gentle and comforting. I have a hard time seeing Greg keeping me chained to a tree all day. Greg would give me Kielbasa or bacon until I felt better. At least I can dream. Mean Mom can’t chain up my dreams.

My day got worse when I overheard Mom talking to her friend, saying things like, “He’s going to be wearing the electronic collar 24/7.” “Otis will learn to stop, turn on a dime and head straight to me when I call him.” “We are going back to training 101.”

My spirits perked up when I heard the bit about training 101. Training always equals treats. I Love treats!

Mom untied me for the night. The pain pills made me sleepy, and I didn’t want to face Mom’s wrath, so I stuck close to home.

I hope my next post is not about me frolicking into doom. I know you would all like to hear good news for a change.

Luv Otis

6 thoughts on “Oops, I Did It Again!

  1. Otis is a good boy. He just has impulse control issues. I’m sure it crushes his spirit when he sees he has disappointed his mom yet again. He is no doubt consumed with remorse, which seems punishment enough. No need to heap more on him. Give him a kielbasa link to reassure him that you know he is sorry and that you are confident he’ll try his best not to misbehave in the future. Or else, no more kielbasa for Otis!

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  2. Oh I love your writing! That Otis has been being very naughty lately. I’m glad you are back up here in Minnesota for the summer. That south is way to hot in the spring.

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