An Hour After Midnight

The moon was up, stars twinkling in the inky sky; a chilly 50 degrees enveloped all. I’m all warm and snug, slumbering amongst my pillows. Suddenly my ear radar rattles me awake. My right ear tugs my head straight up. What’s that I crane to hear?

Something is slowly crawling around the perimeter of our squatting area. I bark twice. I intend to warn the invader that I’m a come’n but not make my sleeping Mama come full awake.

Mom hears my warning shout followed by my jump and run, but quickly falls back to sleep. She is confident I can handle all moonlight marauders. My Mama slumbers peacefully with a slight smile upon her face. All that comfort is shattered when the smell wafts in. The stink makes her beady little eyes pop wide open, and I hear a “G*d D*mn- it Otis!!!”

Quickly Mom slams Ivy’s door shut, locking me and blocking the appalling all-permeating smell out. My poor Mom has a restless night due to constant thoughts of “How much Tomato juice am I going to need to de-stink skunk from the d*mn dog?” “Should I take him and the juice to the lake?” “Is it even legal to add tomato juice to lakewater; all I need is a ticket from the environmental police.” “If Otis can’t keep his nose outa other animals business, then I’m gonna get a cage with a big ass lock. See how he like that!”

Eventually, both Mom and me manage to get some shuteye before the dawning of the next day.

Mom opened The Ivy’s door ready to snarl at me when she noticed nothing. No reek of ala mode skunk. When I ambled to the door Mom gingerly touch the top of my head which she quickly followed by a finger sniff. Again nothing. In a heartbeat, Mom’s morning grump was replaced by happy bewilderment.

My Mamas got much begging for forgiveness to do today, sooooo, I expect lots of treats. If I get redressed for bad behavior, I think it’s only fair that Mom suffers consequences for disparaging thoughts regarding my supposed actions.

I’m sure you want to know what actually happened in the dark woods late at night. Yes, I came upon a skunk scratching around in the scrub. I was calmly (not one bark or growl was uttered) telling the nocturnal forager to seek food elsewhere when quick as a button she turned butt side up and let it rip.

Little did Miss Skunk Butt know but this isn’t my first or even second dance with a striped one. When she started swinging the butt I immediately, without thought, engaged my multitalented musculature. I lurched to the left while jumping high into an ice skater double axil. I landed well outside the circle of stench. With eyes wide of wonder Miss Stinky scampered off.

Had a trail camera caught my shift and avoid maneuver my handsomeness and virility would be plastered across the world on social media. Sadly no photo equipment = no five minutes of fame. Dang-it.

I had to repeat the move during the day so Mom believed me and could take a picture.

Humm, I hate to not share all my amazing talent. I mean I’m not the selfish sort. I wonder if I should start some classes. I have a lot to teach the young’ns. While I’m thinking on that I hope you, my dear readers, have a fabulous day.

Luv Otis

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