This life-changing moment happened on the evening of a previously uneventful day. Mom was riding Fred the e-bike on the track separating the fields of soybeans and hay. Mom is blissfully riding down the road, her head in the clouds, as I’m trotting alongside. Movement across the meadow catches my attention, and my eyes open in wonder as a black Shephard mix races toward me. Its swift legs eat up the dark dirt of the plowed field. I’m mesmerized as the chant “Please be female, please be female” runs through me head.
I took off running and met this vision of pointy ears and long hair. Together we kick it up a notch and race back to My Mama for a little how-de-do sniff. As we play around, it becomes apparent that she is female (Yippee). I’m physically a portion bigger while she is a smidge faster.
Watching us gallivanting next to the meadow was so charming that Mom got off Fred to enjoy the show. Much to my delight and Mom’s concern, this beguiling minx followed us home. Not only did she come home with me but she stayed the night! Mom called her a trollop under her breath while I swaggered around, showing Bea (that’s her name) that I’m a stud.
Bea shocked a squeal out a mom when she opened the camper screen door and jumped right into Mom’s bed. I’m doubled over in laughter as I watched my horrified Mom try to get this willful stinky mutt outa her sheets. Suddenly The Ivy (camper) starts jerking up and down due to Mom hopping around like a chicken with its head cut off, trying to get Bea back outside. Bea is so brilliant she figured out in 20 minutes how to open the camper screen door. Yet, the poor girl can’t fathom that Mom wants her gone NOW. Bea thinks jumping from Mom’s bed to my bed as Mom freaks out is a blast.
Finally, alpha Mom grabbed Bea’s collar, and out the door, the dog went.
I forgot to mention while I’m attracted to Bea’s youth (she’s two), her agility, pointy ears, and shiny black coat, I also love her smell. Yup, Bea smells like she and Mr. Skunk did some elbow rubbing recently. Every time I think of skunk stink Bea in Mom’s bed, I chuckle.
When Bea finally gets outa The Ivy, being the gentleman I am, I offer her my water. Bea’s tongue is like a paddle. I’ve never watched drinking water disappear so fast as when she has her snout in my water dish.
Whispering, I tell Bea that Mom settles back into her calm self pretty quickly after a dust-up, so she can cool her jets and quit painting so hard and heavy.
Little did I know, but Bea thought her biting my leg while I went after her ear was foreplay. What?! I guess Mom was right; Bea is precocious. I’m older, and all this roughhousing has worn me out. All I want to do is roll over and sleep. If I can rest for an hour, I’ll be roused, and ready to satisfy all Bea’s playful desires.
Bea is not buy’n the message I’m a sell’n; instead, she is trying to snuggle in bed with me. Geez, we haven’t been acquainted for more than two hours, and she’s trying to take over my space! I set her straight in a quick minute and gave her a blunt, “No Way!”
Eventually, she took up residence right in front of The Ivy’s door. I thought it was an odd place to sleep. On the other hand, Mom thought it was “So sweet” that Bea wanted to be close. Those thoughts flew right outa Mom’s head when in the middle of the night, Bea, again, barged into the camper and jumped right in bed with Mom. As I snickered, I heard Mom yell, “Get out, you stink.”
My Mama’s not a dummy either, so she put a bag full of fresh veggies in front of the screen door, so Bea couldn’t push the door open.
Yeah, I feel kinda bad that in my four years of life, I hadn’t figured out how to nose my way into the camper, although I do know how to escape. Even though the panel isn’t as wide as my broad shoulders and handsome girth, if I want out, I am gone.
I did squirm out as a pup and then again a month ago. Here’s the story: Two leggeds were coming to pick up a small refrigerator Mom sold. She didn’t want my size to intimidate or for me to get all bossy if they brought a dog who needed to pee. Mom stuck me in the camper; told me to “Stay” and “Be quiet.”
I hear the buyer’s car drive in, so I start making noises that I want to get out. Then I hear sounds of a dog invading my turf, so I start making loud and robust sounds. Mom completely ignored me, so I had to take drastic action. One minute I’m huffing and puffing; the next, I’m outa the camper and jumping right into the opened car door of the visitors. Mom and the buyer lady almost drop the refrigerator, and the gigantic lady sitting on the passenger’s side is frozen in shock and terror. Their little dog sought safety under the car.
Mom is stunned with confusion as to how in the world I got out. All others involved were wondering if they would survive and how many bodies might be buried in these vast open county fields.
Yes, I might be a bruit, but I’m a nice bruit. Once I sniffed passenger lady and hopped outa the car, Mom grabbed me with a death grip and did not let go until the car was gone down the road. Then Mom transferred her grip to my ear. She held on to my poor appendage as she marched me straight back to the camper. I think Mom thought I took out the whole screen door. When she realized I shimmed thru a panel, she dropped my ear out of sheer curiosity.
To this day, Mom can’t figure out how I got my bulk thru that small opening.
I want to remind my readers that I am my Mom’s dog, and Mom would have just as willfully escaped as I did under those circumstances. She probably wouldn’t have jumped in the stranger’s car and licked the lady overflowing the seat, but that is the only difference.
Here we are mugging for the camera. I’ll keep y’all posted on my relationship status.